Living with a stoma is not just physical. The mental struggle is real and affects many of us just as much as it does the physical side. This is the part that no one sees: the tough days, the days when it all becomes too much, the days when our stoma decides to play up and the days when we just can’t cope.
Living with a stoma was hard at first
At the beginning I found my stoma really hard to cope with. It was such a big change that I wasn’t expecting. The thought of having to change my bag caused me so much anxiety.
I worried constantly that there was a smell or that my bag would leak. That people could see it through the clothes I was wearing or that I wouldn’t be able to do the things I did pre-stoma.
I didn’t want to go anywhere because I was afraid. I didn’t want to see anyone. I didn’t want to try to find something to wear that I felt comfortable in with my stoma bag and my scar.
It just felt easier to stay at home and not have to deal with seeing anyone. I cried constantly and didn’t even want to look at the stoma at the start. It took a lot of encouragement but things slowly began to get better.
Getting help for my mental health
I did reach out for help and had counselling to help me deal with what was going on mentally. I also went on medication to help with this and I do feel the combination of both of these definitely helped.
It took time but gradually I did things that took me out of my comfort zone that I was worried about; things like going out and about for longer periods of time, using a public toilet and moving on to emptying my bag in a public toilet. Each time I would get more confident. Each week I gave myself more challenges until I overcame a lot of the things that I worried most about.
Eventually I was able to overcome a lot of what I saw as ‘challenges’ with my stoma. But there was still always this little voice in my head that questioned, “Why me? Why did I have to end up with a stoma?”.
Even to this day these thoughts still come into my head, but not as often as they used to. There’s days when I just want to rip the bag off and be ‘normal’ again, but these are now few and far between.
Reach out and get help
Mental health is massive after stoma surgery. It’s a big change and it definitely takes a lot to adapt and find your way with your stoma and your stoma routine. But you do get there.
The online community was a massive help to me, as I felt they knew and understood what I was going through when I reached out online.
It’s about taking it a day at a time and letting yourself feel all those feelings. You can have bad days. It’s just important that you do not get stuck in the down days and that if you do, you reach out and get help.
