Before I had emergency surgery, I was completely against ever getting a stoma bag. I never ever wanted one. I truly believed it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. There would have been no words that would have been able to change my mind. I did not want a stoma bag.
If only I could see the life I am living now.
I wish I knew how healthy I would feel. How I am no longer governed by strong drugs, intense appointments, blood tests and more. How I have been able to start enjoying life again because of the health my stoma bag has given me. I wish I had known that having a stoma bag has given me freedom, it hasn’t restricted me like I once believed it would.
I wish I knew how my relationship with my body would change. Whilst battling with ulcerative colitis (UC), I never felt like me and my body were one, it always felt like we were fighting against one another. Now, I have such a deep understanding, respect and admiration for my body. I can’t believe what it has overcome. I no longer view it as something that ‘didn’t work’ but rather something that saved me. I prioritise what my body needs to ensure it stays happy and healthy.
I wish I knew how quickly it would have become my ‘norm’. Don’t get me wrong, initially, I was unable to stop crying because of my stoma bag. I hated it and wished I didn’t have one. But over time, it has become my norm. A blip in the past that just so happened to save my life. I can honestly say that most of the time, I don’t even notice it. I get on with my life and it just comes along with me. Bags changes used to feel like the longest most painful chore. Now, they are a couple minutes in my morning routine, something I don’t even think twice about.
I wish I knew how much I was loved. It’s sad really that it takes something ‘bad’ to happen for you to know who is there for you and how much they love you. I never thought that anyone would be able to love me with a stoma bag. The truth is, I have never felt so loved.
I wish I knew how many amazing people I have met. I will be honest; I used to avoid anyone I saw online who had a stoma bag. Stoma bags terrified me and I never wanted to allow them into my world. Those people are now my stoma family. People who I lean on and who lean on me. People I would never have met if I never had a stoma bag.
I wish I knew the potential I had. Having emergency life changing surgery really hit home that life is far too short to live it unhappy. My stoma has given me a new sense of perspective. I grasp every opportunity with both hands. I have taken leaps that I would never have before. My stoma bag has changed the way I view life.
If I could have looked into the future and seen my Instagram page and all the amazing things I am doing, I truly believe it could potentially have helped me make the decision to get a stoma bag sooner. A decision that in the end was taken from me. The fear of the stigma and shame is what terrified me. This is exactly why I started my page: to help make the pathway easier for people who are facing stoma surgery.
You will get through it. You have to. But remember, you are not alone.
You’ve got this!
Poppy
@stoma_scene
