The word cancer still gives me shivers to this day and I think it always will. Although I have got past what it has done to me physically, I don’t think I will get over what it has done to me mentally.
The aftermath is something you learn to live with rather than accept and get over. It becomes a part of you whether you try to block it out or not, so finding space for it and learning to live with it just makes it that bit easier.
I was diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2012 and to say it was a massive shock is an understatement! I had issues for a while such as bloating, constipation and stomach pain and I had been to the doctors many times and was told it was IBS. It wasn’t until I had a rectal prolapse and this was investigated with a flexible sigmoidoscopy and a tumour was found. I was then sent for a colonoscopy where I had biopsies taken of the tumour and then given the news I had bowel cancer.
I was 27 at the time and had just got married so it felt like what should have been the happiest time of my life was taken over by this disease. I had only ever heard the bad stories about cancer so my whole world was shook and the unknown of what was next for me was terrifying. I did have other symptoms that I didn’t know was bowel cancer symptoms such as narrow stools, but I always had imagined bowel cancer to be more running to the toilet than constipation.
After appointments, scans and discussions, I had my procedure where a section of my bowel was removed to take away the tumour and then reattached back together. This was the beginning of a long road ahead both mentally and physically. After this my bowels were constantly playing up; onstipation, bloating and pain was an issue and I went on to have two further surgeries with the last one being when I got my ileostomy.
Cancer has left me with many different things; hope being one of them as without hope you have nothing. I have gained friendships and met others who just get it. It has taught me to appreciate life and the small everyday things and how easily and quickly this can change and be taken away in a blink of an eye.
