Why men struggle to open up
In the past, society has said to men to “man up”, “grow a pair”, and “real men don’t cry”; it’s this toxic behaviour which has conditioned men to believe that vulnerability is a weakness. This mindset makes it very difficult for men to admit there’s a problem with their health and mental wellbeing. Also, the fear of judgment, embarrassment or even denial can stop us from having honest conversations about our health.
This reluctance can have serious consequences: 15 men die prematurely every hour in the UK and men are three times more likely to commit suicide in comparison to women (Bupa, 2023). Avoiding help can lead to delayed diagnoses, untreated conditions (including cancer and type 2 diabetes), and unnecessary suffering. It’s time this stopped! We need to challenge the outdated norms and recognise that ‘real men’ speak up about their health.
The benefits of speaking out
When I was diagnosed with advanced colorectal cancer, I initially felt overwhelmed and isolated. I never knew my family’s medical history and my parents never spoke about their health issues. And when I was told that my tumour had tested positive for lynch syndrome (an inherited gene variant), it came as a massive shock to me. I had no choice but to tell my family in the hope they could avoid what I had to go through. Having this conversation with my loved ones changed everything – opening up about my fears and struggles not only lessened the emotional load but also strengthened my relationships. I realised I wasn’t alone in my fight against cancer.
Finding an outlet
An important outlet for me was my blog – I found writing about it very therapeutic and led me to connect with others who had similar experiences. Sharing stories gave me hope and the practical advice I received served as an important reminder that I am not alone. The blog served as a catalyst for campaigning for change, including increased screening for younger people and greater visibility for the BAME community. Through social media, I connected with some amazing and inspiring people, which led me to work with wonderful organisations and charities.
Starting the conversation
To all the men out there: it’s ok not to have it all together. It’s ok to feel scared, uncertain or vulnerable. What’s not ok is staying silent when you need help. Hiding your illness, your job worries or financial concerns are all key factors in the high suicide rates among men (BBC News, 2025). Start the conversation with a friend, your GP or someone you trust. Your health and happiness matter.
Opening up doesn’t just help with physical health; it’s a game-changer for mental health too. Bottling up stress, anxiety or sadness can take a toll, but talking about it can provide relief and clarity. Whether it’s with a friend, family member or therapist, having someone who actively listens to you can make all the difference.
