Living with a stoma has taught me the importance of an open and honest conversation. When I first got my stoma, I wasn’t sure how to approach the topic with friends and family. I wasn’t sure how they would react.
Discussing my health in general felt deeply personal, especially within my community. I worried about how others might react, and the cultural taboos and misconceptions surrounding cancer left me feeling helpless. I became so anxious about having a stoma that I became a recluse, declining invitations to social events and eventually, my fears got the better of me, and I stopped answering their calls. But, over time, I’ve learnt to embrace my stoma and I’ve realised that honesty and simplicity were my best tools. If you’re feeling nervous or unsure about how to start the conversation, here’s what has helped me to overcome my anxieties:
Starting the conversation
The first time I told someone about my stoma, I reminded myself of why I have it and how it saved my life. I kept the conversation light and straightforward. I explained what it was and why I needed it, the impact it has had on me, and it likes to announce itself. I found that most people were curious and very supportive. I reminded myself that it’s ok if they didn’t fully understand right away, this was new for them too.
Tips for talking about your stoma
- Choose the right time and place – pick a place where you feel comfortable and where the other person can listen. A quiet, private setting can make the conversation feel less intimidating.
- Keep it simple – you don’t need to go into great detail, unless you want to. I explained the reason for having the stoma and added a little humour, which helped. I had said “I underwent surgery to remove the tumour and as a result I had to have a stoma… The upside is the queues for the toilets are a lot shorter.”
- Be honest about your feelings – if you’re nervous or unsure, it’s ok to say so. Sharing something so personal to you does mean you’re opening up about your vulnerabilities. Just remember, talking about it can help others understand what you’re going through.
- Answer questions openly – people will have questions, and that’s a good thing – it shows they’re interested and, more importantly, they care. Answer what you’re comfortable with, and it’s ok to set boundaries if something feels too personal.
Reactions and support
Not everyone will know how to respond; it’s as much of a shock to them as it is to you, and that’s ok. Some people might need time to process what you’ve just told them, while others will immediately offer their support. I’ve learned to focus on the positive reactions and not dwell on any awkward moments.
Why these conversations matter
Talking about my stoma has strengthened my relationships, so much so that some of my closest friends have opened up about their battle with IBS and Crohn’s, and they are considering having a stoma, which goes to show how important it is to talk about your health.
