Men are notoriously bad at opening up about anything that’s bothering them; but arguably talking about their bodies, or physique, is more difficult than most other issues. It’s widely recognised as a ‘macho thing’ and any kind of imperfection brings out the fear that other males will make fun of them or see them as being less of a man. Obviously wearing a stoma bag feeds into this on a physical and emotional level, so how can we enable male ostomates to open up and talk about their concerns and be confident to share their ostomy experience?
The first step is facing up to your surgery and your new body. I found that it was really helpful to write down everything I was feeling and experiencing; to be honest I was so overwhelmed by it all that it was the only way I could control my emotions. You will be supported in the early days by medical professionals to discover how your stoma works, how to look after it and to adapt to new routines. Then it’s up to you.
My first hospital ramblings happened 13 years ago and since then I have embraced social media more and more to bring positivity to my audience. Over the last few years there have been many ostomate communities set up to offer help and support. They are engaging and friendly – but when you scroll through you see lots of girls featuring on the page, but where are the guys? Speaking for myself, I have never had a problem with sharing images of myself showing my bag; neither have I shied away from talking about my stoma journey – but I can understand that many people (especially men) are not this confident. The big question is how can we encourage more men to open up? My suggestions to you guys out there are:
- Talk to a family member or close mate that you trust. Find a suitable time and place where you can talk with privacy and where there are no distractions; a busy, noisy pub or at your local football match may not be that place! Be open and honest, giving as much information as you feel comfortable doing and maybe arrange to do this as a regular thing.
- Join a support group in your community if you can, or look at ostomy groups online. As you grow more confident, try engaging in a chat and taking a more active role within the group. There may be an opportunity to share your own story and in doing so help others facing stoma surgery.
- Read some blogs that share advice form fellow ostomates; we live with the challenges and rewards of living with our stomas every day. I believe that sharing positivity can gradually convince the least confident guy that having a stoma is life-changing… and life-SAVING. Try to think of sharing your ostomy story as a sign of strength and remember that doing it raises awareness as well as breaking that taboo. It will definitely help someone else who may be struggling.
If you accept that your stoma has saved your life, why not shout about it? Keeping all your emotions bottled up will not do you, your family, or your friends any good. Raising awareness is not only extremely important for the public, but is also a celebration of overcoming serious illness.
Yes, it takes time to adjust to your new body; you will have ups and downs. Yes, you need time to heal and get used to new routines. Yes, you need to be patient; give yourself time to come to terms with your emotions. But you are not alone. Reach out and the help, support and friendship you need is there.
