I am living proof that no matter how low and ‘in the gutter’ you’re feeling, eventually you can and will get better, both mentally and physically.
The last blog post I wrote was not a happy or positive one. I’d only been out of hospital for a few weeks, following another operation. This time, I had a total blockage and needed to have a lot of inflamed adhesions removed. Keyhole surgery was unsuccessful, so I was left with a four inch-long, three centimetre-deep wound. My wound then got infected and I had nurses coming to redress it once a day, slowing down my recovery once again.
It’s strange, but this wound caused me more mental upset than my original ileostomy surgery. I was very down, very thin and very close to the edge. I wasn’t able to take care of my son so he had to go to nursery every day, all day. I felt useless; I didn’t feel like his mum and he didn’t feel like my son.
I would stay in bed all day feeling weak, tired and sad. I felt like giving up. I couldn’t be brave anymore. The final straw came after I’d been out of hospital for one week, when the doctor came to see me. My wound had completely opened up and so I had to go back to hospital to be re-stitched. I’d had enough – why wouldn’t my body just get better?
A week after being re-stitched, the infection cleared up well and the wound began to heal. All of a sudden, the massive hole in my tummy got a lot smaller. I was able to look after my son again and began re-bonding with him. I could do normal things and I felt a lot more like ‘me’ again.
Four months on I have regained over two stone in weight, I’ve been to a festival, I’ve been to Wales for the Sepsis Ball and even tackled swimming. I have never felt better and I love life again! I go out every day with my son and we do all of the things that normal mums and babies do.
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