I suppose this can be different for everyone so I’m speaking solely on my own experience here, and I’m not going to lie, this is something I really struggled with.
When I say struggle I don’t mean with the bag getting in the way or my husband seeing the bag or anything like that as that has never been an issue it’s more the thoughts in my head.
The first time I was intimate after stoma surgery, I worked myself up that much beforehand that it was not enjoyable at all. I was so tense and worried about the changes in my body, how my husband would feel about the changes, would he be afraid to touch me? Would it be awkward for him? Did he even want to be doing this or was he just doing it to make me feel ok? I wasn’t even worried about myself! So many things crossed my mind that it made it hard for me to relax and took the enjoyment out of it so to say the first time was a fail is an understatement! But as I became more confident in myself and body and the changes to my body I began to relax more and switch of those thoughts in my head and to be honest it was just normal from then on. So, il begin by saying I have never had any issues with the bag flapping around or being in the way or being noisy and if this is something you are worried about there are a few things you can do to prevent this from happening.
First is to make sure you empty your bag beforehand. Next is to wear something that can stop any movement such as a tube band/belt (these are for both male and female). The ladies can get some lovely lingerie that fall over the top of the bag if you want it covered or a silk scarf to wrap around. Try and relax and although that can be easier said than done the more you relax and not worry about what you think someone else is thinking (as 9 times out of 10 what you think they are thinking is not true), it will be more enjoyable for the both of you. Don’t worry if the first time around is a fail and if you are not comfortable and not ready have that conversation with your other half sometimes it takes longer than you think and that is totally fine.
Finally just try and remember, you are still you! And although your body may have changed you can still be intimate like you did before and enjoy being intimate. Your stoma bag shouldn’t change that!