Intimacy with a stoma bag
When I first got my stoma bag there was many things that played on my mind: Will I still be able to do all the things I did before? Will I be able to wear the same things I did before? Will my husband still find me attractive or be physically attracted to me? Will I be able to accept myself? And of course, will I still be able to be intimate with a stoma bag and feel comfortable doing so?
In short, the answer to all the questions above is absolutely yes! I could still do all of these things, some with adjustments but still doable. Just because I now have this new appliance does not mean anything I mentioned above changes, but how I first felt about these things did and that is totally understandable considering my body had changed and had been through a lot. All of these things were very daunting to me at the beginning and intimacy was probably top of the list but bottom of what I wanted to even think about.
I was mainly worried about my other half. Would he feel uncomfortable? What if he accidently touched my stoma bag, would it put him off? And what if my stoma bag got in the way or made a scrunching noise when it moved? I also worried about pain, would it hurt? Would it feel different? And to be honest, I worried so much about all these things that the first time we where intimate it was a complete shambles, but I wasn’t giving up!
Finding ways to feel more comfortable
The things I was worried about were my issues; It was me deflecting how I felt someone else would feel about me now having a stoma bag and it was something I really had to work on. I discussed this with my stoma nurse and found ways that made me feel more comfortable such as wearing a longer cami top or nightdress, that way I felt more at ease with something over the top of my stoma bag. As time went on I didn’t feel the need to cover it anymore but I think it’s all about finding what makes you comfortable and helps you feel more relaxed.
Other solutions are to wear a smaller bag or a support wrap. There are so many different options now available in different colours and different fabrics for both male and females. Another idea is to make sure to empty your stoma bag beforehand as this will help stop any flapping around or fear of any leaking. But one of the most important things is to communicate with your other half and explain how you are feeling. Don’t rush into it just because you feel you have to. Give yourself the time you need to adjust.
It’s important to always remember that you are still you! Yes, you now have a stoma bag and this can be daunting and scary and some adjustments do need to be made to help you adjust but it’s important to not let your mind bully your body. Give yourself time and communicate with your significant other. You will get there.